failing – Kate Bluett

Was there a moment, O omnipotent,
when you decided you would forfeit all,
or was it always present, this intent,
O changeless and eternal one, to fall?

I am your image but am not yourself:
When powerless I plunge, it's by surprise.
See, I'm your image, so—I must confess—
I thought that I, like you, would only rise

but down I go. I heard my teachers say
that things like this are gifts to offer up,
but now I think they're wrong about the way:
These gifts drip down into the waiting cup,

and it is bitter, bitter, as you know
who took and blessed and drank it to the dregs.
And so I ask again, when did you go
from wanting life to crossing death's doorstep?

These creatures that you made don't have a choice:
We just sink down, relentlessly depressed
into the pit where no one lifts their voice—
and is it there we nestle on your breast?

We find you, Lord, beneath the deep abyss,
borne down beyond the depths that we can bear,
as if you'd settled down to wait for us.
O, can it be that you were always there?

Jesus summoned the Twelve and gave them power and authority
over all demons and to cure diseases,
and he sent them to proclaim the Kingdom of God
and to heal the sick.
He said to them, “Take nothing for the journey,
neither walking stick, nor sack, nor food, nor money,
and let no one take a second tunic.
Luke 9:1-6

You set me on a journey,
but take all I'd prepared
and send me out with nothing
to go I-know-not-where.
Without my sure provisions
and all my careful plans,
I go about my mission
with only empty hands.

I meant to scale the mountains
but had no rod or staff,
to sail the ocean's fountains,
but had no mast or raft,
so when I fell, I shattered,
and when I sank, I drowned,
and all my dreams were scattered
as ashes on the ground.

What is it, then, you've asked me?
(No money in my sack.)
With what, then, have you tasked me?
(No tunic for my back.)
There's nothing I can give you,
no glories for your name.
I am not worthy of you:
This is my constant shame.

But still your journey beckons,
and, sandal-less, I go
with nothing I had reckoned,
by roads I do not know.
You do not ask for wonders,
but only that I walk.
Then barefoot, let me blunder
along the road you've marked.

Tag: failing

Abyss

Journey